| Do/Don't |
Please read our "How It Works" page before reading this one.
This page will be revised from time to time, as we learn more and
more useful and important things to share with group leaders.
Here are some things we’ve learned from leading our e-mail group
and through feedback from leaders of other groups:
_____________________________________________________
We recommend that you do these things:
> Always maintain the privacy and anonymity of those who write to
you, unless they say otherwise. This is very important, and helps
create trust in your project.
> Always remember that you, as a group leader, are representing your
group. Any e-mail that you send can be copied in whole or in part, or
forwarded to anyone. Make sure that your correspondence will
respectably represent your group and not offend anyone who reads it.
This page will be revised from time to time, as we learn more and
more useful and important things to share with group leaders.
Here are some things we’ve learned from leading our e-mail group
and through feedback from leaders of other groups:
_____________________________________________________
We recommend that you do these things:
> Always maintain the privacy and anonymity of those who write to
you, unless they say otherwise. This is very important, and helps
create trust in your project.
> Always remember that you, as a group leader, are representing your
group. Any e-mail that you send can be copied in whole or in part, or
forwarded to anyone. Make sure that your correspondence will
respectably represent your group and not offend anyone who reads it.
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
> Save all e-mails your group receives, unless you know they’re not sincere, and save the
ones you send. It’s a good idea to create a separate folder for each frequent writer, so
you can refer to his/her letters later, if he/she mentions something you’ve forgotten and
need to include in your reply. This lets your correspondents know that you’re interested
in their lives, their problems, dreams, successes, etc.
> Know that sometimes it takes months for a writer to trust you enough, as leaders of
your group, to come out to you and want to meet with you in person. Those meetings
always make the writers feel better about themselves, and you’ll fell good about being a
part of that.
> Make a list of important dates, such as birthdays, and send online greeting cards on
those occasions. This is another way to show that you care.
> If someone gives you his/her phone number and asks you to call, be sure to do that,
but please read this first. If you have some reason not to call, e-mail the writer to
explain that. It might be that you’re out only to your fellow group leaders and you don’t
want your voice to be recognized. Hopefully, at least one of your leaders is out at school
and can make the call. Those call requests can be from desperate kids who need your
help.
> Try to have someone available every night to receive and answer letters written to your
group. We usually work in pairs, between 8:00 and 10:00 p.m.
> Check for new mail as often as you can, and answer urgent ones. We’ve been told of
lives being saved by immediate replies to writers who seem very depressed or even
suicidal.
> If you’re repeatedly getting e-mail from someone you suspect is not a student, ask a
question about something at your school that only your fellow students could answer.
> Use Instant Messaging whenever you have time for it. It’s a good idea to go online in
invisible mode while you’re on regular e-mail duty. You still receive IMs, which you can
answer later, but they’re not popping up while you’re on duty.
> Create a private chatroom at least one night a week, and more often if you have time.
Send the chatroom location, name, and time to your mailing list. Those chats will help
students get to know others like them, and often lead to private meetings and the
beginnings of relationships.
> Set up a "feel good" signature that will appear automatically at the end of your
outgoing e-mails. We use this: You are important ! You can make a difference !
"Walk tall my little ones, for you are the chosen ones. Hold your heads high, with
pride, for you will inherit the earth. Shame not for your thoughts." --Justin Case
(Justin Case was the pen name of a writer of gay-oriented stories. He was a married
father of three sons and one daughter. He died April 13, 2003, at the age of 46, as a
result of an automobile accident.)
> Always use the BCC feature of your e-mail server when you send bulk mail to your
group. Using blind carbon copy hides the e-mail addresses, so your recipients won't see
the addresses of the other members of the group. Remember you're keeping those
addresses private unless someone asks you to publish his/her address.
> Please read the INTERNET SAFETY section of our Be Safe page, and click here for
further comments regarding Internet safety and here for a website about Internet safety
for teens.
> Set your antivirus software to scan incoming and outgoing mail. Norton AntiVirus
includes detection of spyware and keystroke loggers. Also, set your firewall to high
security. You don't want a hacker getting into your address book or saved e-mails.
Microsoft has issued a statement that the built-in firewall in WindowsXP is not adequate,
and they will be offering a free update in early 2004. [Now available in 2005 as part of
Service Pack 2, but not considered adequate by many experts.] We use ZoneAlarm Pro.
You can get the basic ZoneAlarm firewall free by going to www.zonelabs.com and
choosing "Download and Buy" and then ZoneAlarm, instead of ZoneAlarm Pro or
ZoneAlarm Plus. ZoneAlarm is free.
Okay, here are some things we recommend you not do:
> Don’t gossip. Period.
> Whether you "act gay" or "act straight," don't say anything unkind about anyone, in e-
mail, IM's or chat, regarding how they "act." We're all part of the same big family, as the
Emerald Beach boys of Brew Maxwell's Foley-Mashburn Saga (see our Stories page) often
point out to us.
> If you’re posting bulletin board notices about your group, don’t post them anywhere but
in your school. We know of some groups that put up notices in places such as
convenience stores and bowling alleys. They got a lot of bad e-mail from non-students,
and even some from "dirty old men" who wanted to meet them or have pictures e-mailed
to them.
> Don’t send out pictures from your group’s address of yourself, your friends, or from the
Internet. Remember that you’re representing your group, and you have to make sure you
earn the respect of students, teachers, and parents.
> Don’t send out any form of pornography, whether written, video clips, or whatever. If
you’re into that, do it through your personal e-mail account, not as a representative of
your group.
> Don’t be tricked into giving out anyone’s name or e-mail address. If you’re getting
requests for address sharing, be sure all parties involved agree to it.
> When you answer an e-mail, send your reply only to the writer. Don't send copies to
anyone else, as that would betray the trust the writer has placed in your group.
> Don’t give your phone number or home address to anyone unless you definitely know
who that person is.
> Don’t encourage anyone to come out just for the sake of coming out. Each person
knows his or her own situation and has a pretty good feeling about how coming out
would be accepted at home, at school, and among friends.
> Don’t even try to give advice on medical matters. That’s what doctors are for. On our
Links page we have a link to a site that can be helpful to teens who have questions
about their sexual health.
> Don’t get involved in debates involving religion or politics. Those topics are not
essential to the purpose of your group and often lead to irreconcilable differences.
BACK TO TOP
ones you send. It’s a good idea to create a separate folder for each frequent writer, so
you can refer to his/her letters later, if he/she mentions something you’ve forgotten and
need to include in your reply. This lets your correspondents know that you’re interested
in their lives, their problems, dreams, successes, etc.
> Know that sometimes it takes months for a writer to trust you enough, as leaders of
your group, to come out to you and want to meet with you in person. Those meetings
always make the writers feel better about themselves, and you’ll fell good about being a
part of that.
> Make a list of important dates, such as birthdays, and send online greeting cards on
those occasions. This is another way to show that you care.
> If someone gives you his/her phone number and asks you to call, be sure to do that,
but please read this first. If you have some reason not to call, e-mail the writer to
explain that. It might be that you’re out only to your fellow group leaders and you don’t
want your voice to be recognized. Hopefully, at least one of your leaders is out at school
and can make the call. Those call requests can be from desperate kids who need your
help.
> Try to have someone available every night to receive and answer letters written to your
group. We usually work in pairs, between 8:00 and 10:00 p.m.
> Check for new mail as often as you can, and answer urgent ones. We’ve been told of
lives being saved by immediate replies to writers who seem very depressed or even
suicidal.
> If you’re repeatedly getting e-mail from someone you suspect is not a student, ask a
question about something at your school that only your fellow students could answer.
> Use Instant Messaging whenever you have time for it. It’s a good idea to go online in
invisible mode while you’re on regular e-mail duty. You still receive IMs, which you can
answer later, but they’re not popping up while you’re on duty.
> Create a private chatroom at least one night a week, and more often if you have time.
Send the chatroom location, name, and time to your mailing list. Those chats will help
students get to know others like them, and often lead to private meetings and the
beginnings of relationships.
> Set up a "feel good" signature that will appear automatically at the end of your
outgoing e-mails. We use this: You are important ! You can make a difference !
"Walk tall my little ones, for you are the chosen ones. Hold your heads high, with
pride, for you will inherit the earth. Shame not for your thoughts." --Justin Case
(Justin Case was the pen name of a writer of gay-oriented stories. He was a married
father of three sons and one daughter. He died April 13, 2003, at the age of 46, as a
result of an automobile accident.)
> Always use the BCC feature of your e-mail server when you send bulk mail to your
group. Using blind carbon copy hides the e-mail addresses, so your recipients won't see
the addresses of the other members of the group. Remember you're keeping those
addresses private unless someone asks you to publish his/her address.
> Please read the INTERNET SAFETY section of our Be Safe page, and click here for
further comments regarding Internet safety and here for a website about Internet safety
for teens.
> Set your antivirus software to scan incoming and outgoing mail. Norton AntiVirus
includes detection of spyware and keystroke loggers. Also, set your firewall to high
security. You don't want a hacker getting into your address book or saved e-mails.
Microsoft has issued a statement that the built-in firewall in WindowsXP is not adequate,
and they will be offering a free update in early 2004. [Now available in 2005 as part of
Service Pack 2, but not considered adequate by many experts.] We use ZoneAlarm Pro.
You can get the basic ZoneAlarm firewall free by going to www.zonelabs.com and
choosing "Download and Buy" and then ZoneAlarm, instead of ZoneAlarm Pro or
ZoneAlarm Plus. ZoneAlarm is free.
Okay, here are some things we recommend you not do:
> Don’t gossip. Period.
> Whether you "act gay" or "act straight," don't say anything unkind about anyone, in e-
mail, IM's or chat, regarding how they "act." We're all part of the same big family, as the
Emerald Beach boys of Brew Maxwell's Foley-Mashburn Saga (see our Stories page) often
point out to us.
> If you’re posting bulletin board notices about your group, don’t post them anywhere but
in your school. We know of some groups that put up notices in places such as
convenience stores and bowling alleys. They got a lot of bad e-mail from non-students,
and even some from "dirty old men" who wanted to meet them or have pictures e-mailed
to them.
> Don’t send out pictures from your group’s address of yourself, your friends, or from the
Internet. Remember that you’re representing your group, and you have to make sure you
earn the respect of students, teachers, and parents.
> Don’t send out any form of pornography, whether written, video clips, or whatever. If
you’re into that, do it through your personal e-mail account, not as a representative of
your group.
> Don’t be tricked into giving out anyone’s name or e-mail address. If you’re getting
requests for address sharing, be sure all parties involved agree to it.
> When you answer an e-mail, send your reply only to the writer. Don't send copies to
anyone else, as that would betray the trust the writer has placed in your group.
> Don’t give your phone number or home address to anyone unless you definitely know
who that person is.
> Don’t encourage anyone to come out just for the sake of coming out. Each person
knows his or her own situation and has a pretty good feeling about how coming out
would be accepted at home, at school, and among friends.
> Don’t even try to give advice on medical matters. That’s what doctors are for. On our
Links page we have a link to a site that can be helpful to teens who have questions
about their sexual health.
> Don’t get involved in debates involving religion or politics. Those topics are not
essential to the purpose of your group and often lead to irreconcilable differences.
BACK TO TOP